One Sister’s Song by Karen DeGroot Carter

Chapter Ten

Audrey heard Julian sigh a deliberate teenage sigh in the back seat while James, driving beside her, told endless stories of high school pranks as they passed their town’s bars and restaurants on the way to the mall. Audrey wondered if James always babbled when he was nervous, and why Julian’s presence affected him so. She found his tales of teenage high-jinx more annoying than entertaining, and suspected Julian found them patronizing.

“See the Big Boy outside TJ’s?” James pointed to a small diner with a plump statue out front. “We stole that senior year and hid it in the gym the night before the last

assembly. You should’ve seen Coach Martin’s face the next morning.” He shook his head. “After that, they riveted the thing down in a block of cement.”

Audrey stared out her window, irritated by everything—and everyone. She’d suffered through a restless night, thanks to her recurring dream, and begun the day already tired and frustrated. All she wanted to do was sleep.

The phone call yesterday from the Moon Resort hadn’t helped her mood any. After learning the open position had gone to someone else, Audrey was told the personnel department wanted to send her résumé—and a glowing review of her interview—to hotels throughout the Moon chain. These included locations in Europe, Canada, the Caribbean, and in U.S. cities as far-flung as San Diego, Minneapolis, Tucson, New York…and Washington, D.C. The possibility she might be offered a job she couldn’t refuse in any of these places worried Audrey as much as it excited her. The fact that an appropriate opening could arise any time—or never at all—pushed her into an unnerving state of limbo.

At a stoplight, her eyes were drawn to a sudden shower of yellow-brown leaves from an old oak at the corner. That morning, she’d wakened to see everything coated in an early snow. She imagined how Laura would have exclaimed at the beauty of her powdered trees, especially when sunlight sparkled off the glazed crimson and orange foliage, perfecting the scene.

Audrey had viewed the season’s first snow with weighted, numbed dread. She was relieved to see it melt away in watery streams, dragging more leaves to the ground.

Leaded leaves, she thought, wondering why she, too, felt so heavy, so hollow, wondering why she found comfort in watching dead leaves fall to their fates. She shrugged as the oak surrendered its last. At such depths, it seemed, she craved mutually miserable company.

James babbled on. “No, sir,” he said, “Big Boy’s never going anywhere again until they tear that place down. Here we are.” They swung into the mall parking lot, then parked in front of a department store. “The new arcade is at the other end of the mall,” James said, “but I thought we could walk through this store first, if you guys don’t mind. I’ve got a wedding gift to buy.”

“Sure.” Audrey tried to ignore the reference to the wedding he’d asked her to attend. As they walked to the store’s entrance, she decided James must have been either a very cute or a very goofy-looking child, with such a broad grin and ears that reddened so easily. In high school, of course, she’d considered his looks beyond reproach. Now, though, she couldn’t determine whether he still hoped to impress Julian, or was honestly excited about visiting a video arcade. She knew he’d be disappointed if he hoped to see signs of Julian’s excitement. At thirteen, Julian had perfected the unimpressed expression that made adults feel like fools for trying to entertain a teenager, or assuming a teen might be interested in anything. Her nephew followed a few steps behind them, with the deliberate gait of the self-confident.

James held the door open as Audrey stifled a yawn. “Tired?” he asked.

“Didn’t sleep well. Had the strangest dreams, one about flying, and being back in Washington.” She wondered what he’d think of her fugitive dreams, but doubted her ability—or desire—to describe them to him.

“Washington?” He fell into step beside her.

Julian slipped by them and headed toward the Young Men’s department.

She nodded. “In the summer. It was hot and I was sweating like crazy but I loved it, loved being there in my old apartment. It was strange I was so hot, though, since I always had air conditioning. I remember thinking that in my dream. Then I woke up, dying of heat under an old comforter, and looked outside to see snow all over the place.”

James grinned. “Wasn’t that great? Too bad it melted so fast. You ski?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Me? No way.”

“C’mon.” He took her hand. “You’d love it. I could be your personal instructor.”

“No, thanks. Really.”

“It’s no fun living in the Northeast if you don’t play in the snow.”

“Tell me.” She slowed as they neared the escalator.

“The gift section’s over here. Do you see Julian?”

James continued toward the escalator. “He was near the jackets. We’ll be right back. I want to go downstairs for a minute.”

“What’s down there?”

He grinned. “You’ll see.”

They descended to the lower floor, which housed women’s clothing. Audrey followed James to the party dress section, where racks displayed an array of sequined gowns and dresses.

James stood beside her in the main aisle. “I wish you’d reconsider going to the wedding next weekend,” he said. “You’d look amazing in any of these dresses.”

She shook her head. “I can’t afford any of them.”

“Let me buy you one. Even if you don’t go to the wedding, you can save it for the holidays, for the New Year’s Eve party I’ll be asking you to.” He winked, and Audrey smiled.

“I can’t let you spend that much money on me,” she said. “I’ve got plenty of nice outfits to wear to parties—and weddings.”

He blinked. “You’ll go?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Fair enough.”

Audrey led him back to the escalator, anxious to return to the Young Men’s department to find Julian. Back upstairs, she navigated the aisles of denim and sweaters, searching for her nephew among the racks. She glanced around, then followed the sound of voices to the back of the department, where she finally found Julian—with a security guard and two female store employees.

A middle-aged, plump saleslady glared at Audrey and James as they approached. Audrey tried to make eye contact with Julian, but failed. She glanced from one adult to another, trying to glean hints as to what had happened.

“Are you with this boy?” the saleslady demanded.

“Yes,” Audrey answered. “He’s my nephew.”

“You’re his aunt?” The woman’s voice pinched high as she squinted from James back to Audrey. “We just paged you. I caught your nephew here trying to steal a leather jacket, a very expensive leather jacket.”

“What?”

The other woman, a brunette with a name tag identifying her as the store manager, intervened. “He was caught walking out of the store with this.” She touched a leather-trimmed New York Knicks jacket lying next to the cash register.

Julian remained silent.

“Is that true?” Audrey asked.

Her nephew shook his head.

She addressed the manager. “Is it possible he was trying it on and some kind of mistake was made?”

“No,” the saleslady interjected. “I keep an eye on kids when they’re in my department without an adult, and he was clearly leaving the store with that on.” She stabbed a forefinger toward the jacket. “That costs $150! You can’t tell me he was planning to buy that now, can you?”

Why not, Audrey thought, because he’s a black boy? What if Julian were white with a blond, preppy haircut and over-priced jeans? Would you assume the same thing? Would we be here right now?

“I was looking for you,” Julian said. “She thought I was headed for the door or something.”

James picked up the jacket, revealing a large white disk attached to it by a short chain. “This is a huge security device,” he said. “Do you really think anyone would try to leave the store with it?”

The round security guard answered. “Kids have done it before, sir. They don’t care if they set off an alarm for a few minutes. If they think they can run faster than security, they take the risk.”

The store manager addressed Audrey. “Listen, miss,” she said, her tone frank and patronizing. “Please keep a better eye on your nephew next time you’re shopping with us. Maybe this won’t happen again.”

Until that moment, Audrey had remained uneasy but calm, confident of Julian’s innocence, not at all surprised by the suspicions he’d raised or the store employees’ reactions. She was accustomed to being treated cautiously by white salespeople and usually approached them slowly in turn, speaking softly and smiling, looking forward to the end of the interaction so she could escape their tense faces and rigid backs. Now, though, as the familiar heat of embarrassment crept up the back of her neck, Audrey grew desperate to end this incident. She gave the woman a curt nod and turned to leave, certain Julian would follow.

James, however, stood his ground. He stared at the manager. “What is your problem?” he demanded.

The security guard stepped toward him, but James continued to glare at the woman.

“Pardon me?” she asked.

“You heard me,” James said, his voice rising.

“You’re treating Ms. Conarroe and her nephew as though they’re not good enough to shop here. What right—”

Audrey’s mind raced. She wondered if James was trying to impress her and Julian, or whether he really was upset—and surprised—by the manager’s attitude. She glanced beyond their small circle to see two curious teenagers draw closer to them while a mother and her boy scurried out of the department.

James ranted on. Audrey sensed Julian’s impatience, and grew more anxious to leave. She put her hand on James’s arm, hoping to lead him away. Instead, he placed his hand on hers, as though to console her. “I’m a regular customer,” he continued, “and I’m going to file a complaint with your district manager on Monday. I find your tone condescending, and your reaction to this whole situation insulting.”

“Sir, I think you’re overreacting,” the manager answered, her face now flushed. “We were simply trying to safeguard our merchandise. You understand this is an expensive jacket.”

“And I understand you assumed my—friend—could not afford to buy it, an assumption that was wrong. In fact, I was holding the money he’d saved from his summer jobs. Here, Julian.”

Audrey watched, her mouth open, as James took out his wallet, counted ten twenty-dollar bills, and handed them to her nephew. “Now you can get your jacket,” James said, “if you still want it.”

Julian stood with the bills in his hand, all the adults watching. A slow smile crossed his face as he pocketed the money. “Naw,” he said, grinning now. “I like the Bulls better than the Knicks, anyway.”

James patted him on the back as they turned to walk away. “No kidding?” he joked.

Audrey clamped her mouth shut and faced the store manager. “I can assure you this will never happen again,” she said, her skin bristling with heat, “not because I see the need to keep a ‘better eye’ on my nephew, but because we’ll never set foot in this store again.”

She walked away with deliberate, steady steps, though her heartbeat raced. She caught up to James and Julian as they left the store and entered the mall. “Where are you guys going?” she demanded, her voice shaking.

James smiled. “To the arcade, remember?”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

He put an arm around her shoulders. “C’mon. We handled that pretty well. Put them in their place. Now Julian’s got some cash to spend, so—”

Audrey stopped. “Julian, give the money back.”

“What?” James pulled his arm away. “Audrey, really, I don’t mind—”

She glared at her nephew. “You heard me, Julian. That was a great scene you two pulled, but now it’s over. Give the money back.”

Her nephew scowled as he dug his hand deep into his pocket. “This was just getting interesting,” he said, pulling the bills out and handing them to James. He walked away and sat on a bench, staring down the busy hall with a sullen expression.

“Audrey,” James said, still holding the money. “I don’t mind letting him keep this, if it’ll make him happy—”

“Make him happy? What thirteen-year-old wouldn’t be thrilled to have $200 handed to him? Of course it would make him happy. What will you do next time you want to impress him, buy him a car?”

James frowned and put the bills back in his wallet.

Audrey sighed. “Please stop trying so hard. Really. There’s no need to win him over.”

He looked away, his lips pursed, while Audrey wondered what was going to happen next—and whether she had enough money for cab fare home.

“I wasn’t trying to win him over,” James said. “But I did think someone should stand up for him in there.”

Audrey blinked, trying to absorb his words without reacting to them, infuriated by his suggestion she’d failed to defend Julian. I may not have declared my nephew’s innocence to the entire store, she wanted to yell, but at least I didn’t spout off like a fool.

“Maybe you’re right,” James added. “Maybe I should stop trying so hard.” He approached Julian, patted the boy’s arm, and signaled him to follow.

Audrey tagged along on the way to the arcade, envying their apparent camaraderie, overwhelmed by the sensation she was the only person in the shopping center who felt so low. It didn’t matter what group she spied—high school girls in a pack, a young couple with a baby stroller, an older couple window-shopping—everyone else seemed content, cheerful, in good company.

She waved James and Julian into the arcade and sat on a bench, content to people-watch for a while. Two women approached from down the hall. Audrey knew at once they were sisters, and realized she couldn’t take her eyes off them. They appeared to be Italian, like Pam, with olive skin and dark hair. They passed her, then paused before a lingerie store window as one whispered a joke that sent them both into peals of laughter. Audrey looked away to let their private joke remain private as the ring of their laughter echoed in her ears.

She had never considered herself and her sister best friends, but she had considered herself and Laura close. Close enough to enjoy a private joke, a good laugh, a long talk. Close enough to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, each other’s best and worst moods, each other’s pet peeves. Close enough to like each other as well as love each other, to crave each other’s company, to miss each other while apart.

Audrey was halfway to the ladies’ room before she realized she’d stood. She found the bathroom blessedly empty and banged into a stall where she sat on the toilet, feet tucked together on the floor, arms pressed into her abdomen. As her sobs escalated, she clamped her hand over her mouth to keep their echo from reverberating beyond the small space into which she’d locked herself. She surrendered fully to the force of her grief, then, letting it knock her breathless as she rocked and wailed.

Finally she fell silent, still rocking, steadied only by the methodic placement of her fingers upon her tearstained face.

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