Order God Almighty by Herman Royce
Excerpt

     At sunrise, after six days of fitful sleep and regret-laden dreams, Yaya awoke. Moaning.
     My self, what a hangover. What in Heaven’s name was I celebrating?
     Then he remembered: Creating life on Thrae. Reasoning life-forms. Odd shapes filled his mind, vaguely familiar. Hope I didn’t go too far with the mammalian reproductive design. It had always been his weakness at Omniversity. A tendency to doodle. Better have a look, anyhow.
     Taking shape as a vast lordly apparition in the sky, his prolonged echoing yawn booming through the air.
     “Uno, Duo,” bellowed Yaya.
     He noticed them lying beneath the boughs of a tree.
     “O there thou art,” said Yaya. They both look several kilos heavier. Chuckling, Yaya adopted a tone common among young parents. “I spyest thee, with my little eyes I seest thee.”
     Silence.
     For interminable seconds.
     Then.…
     All-Wrathful God.
     “Wake up,” he thundered. Uno and Duo did not respond. “I knew it,” growled Yaya. “I warned you but did you listen to me?!” He waved his hand and Uno and Duo jolted alert.
     “What happened?” muttered Uno.
     “You died,” roared Yaya, the rush of his voice a howling gale. “You ate a fruit with a toxin that built up in your bodies and eventually killed you.”
     Uno and Duo cowered, clinging desperately to the tree, as the wind mounted and tore at them.
     “I told you not to eat the fruit of that tree, didn’t I?” Branches toppled to the ground. “But you went ahead and ate the whole bloody tree, didn’t you?”
     Duo, fearing that silence might be taken as a worse response, tremulously replied. “Yes, O Lord. The serpent didst deceive us.”
     “Don’t put on that fancy tongue for my benefit, young lady,” Yaya thundered. “Serpent?! Devil, more like it. I’ll bloody get Nick for this, the bastard.” Rocks split.
     “I thought we were immortal,” muttered Uno to himself, almost inaudible amid the storm.
     “Only as long as you don’t get yourselves killed,” yelled Yaya.
     “That’s not real immortality,” retorted Duo.
     “It’s as close as you get on this planet. My self! Haven’t you read Tolkien?”
     “Who?” said Uno and Duo in unison.
     “Never mind,” roared Yaya.
     “It’s not what I was expecting,” added Uno.
     “Fine!” boomed Yaya. “You can go without, you disobedient brats. I’m taking away your immortality.”
     “Awwwww, but Lord,” whined Uno and Duo.
     “And that’s just for starters,” continued Yaya. “You’re also evicted. You’ve got three hours to pack your bags and get out of Paradise .”
     Uno began to beg, “Please, O mighty Lord, do—” but Yaya interrupted him.
     “There’s no point pleading,” he said, “my mind is made up. I fed you, I housed you, I kept you healthy, and this is the gratitude you give me. As soon as my back is turned, you ignore my one and only restriction and listen to a complete stranger. You’re out of here. And from now on, it’s fend for yourself.”
     “Lord, we beg you,” implored Duo.
     But Yaya paid her no heed. “You want shelter,” he bellowed, “you find it yourself. You want food, you grow it yourself. You want children—” Suddenly, he stopped, and considered. The hurricane subsided. “Well,” he resumed, barely raising a breeze, “I suppose I should leave you some fun. But it won’t be all gravy, I’m telling you.”
Order God Almighty by Herman Royce

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